Where to begin after such a long time of absence ? It's hard to say because it's hard to figure out where from I'm writing.
Moving indeed, from one country to another, back, or forth, depending on how I look at it.
After almost eleven years in France, moving back to Germany is not as easy as I thought.
You know how it goes. You live in one place and you think that everything will be better in another. All your dreams will come true. In that other place.
That's the reason I moved to France in the first place. That and some odd wish for adventure, which I still feel today.
But when you do that, when you go live in another country, you decide to venture far out of your comfort zone. Everything is still to be done.
When I went to France, I didn't know anyone there. I needed to find a place to live, friends, make a routine for myself, create a new home zone.
I thought I'd never come back (go back ?). All my plans for a future played out in France.
But all the while I stayed attached to my home country. Came back for all the holidays, had most of my friends in Germany, and I have to admit that I had a hard time connecting to the French. I didn't make so many friends. Not the kind I had 'back home', at least. The kind you always come back to and everything is as it always was.
Homesickness hit a while ago and all of a sudden I thought everything would be easier for me in Germany.
In a way it is. Easier. I missed nordic nature and feel much more comfortable in it than I could ever feel in the South. Friends and family are very much present and care.
But still: What a fool was I to have thought that I would come back with no effort at all. That everything would be gloriously easy.
Everything has to be done all over again. The search for a place to live, the paperwork, making a routine, and all in all, the glimmer of 'new' and exciting is painfully missing. After all, I'm coming back, not going somewhere new.
Or, let's say, in a way I'm going somewhere new because I'm not used to adult life in Germany, but it all feels terribly old and sometimes I have to remind myself that there is adventure in this, too.